This is a question from my brother – Been seeing a woman 7yrs, separate flats until this year. Shes married and pursued me. We worked together for 3yrs, her as my boss. I have rented my flat out until now(short term 1,2 wks at a time). She still married and sees, talks to him regularly, stays at their flat 1 or 2 nights a month, not in same bed.They have bought 2 properties to rent out since i met her. Gets angry when i mention him as her husband. I don’t like her behaviour as shes angry, jealous, anxious, controlling, nasty selfish,thoughtless, money orientated, lazy, dirty, stupid, sly, manipulative and a few others. I get no thanks for doing anything. She has kept me away from family and friends for 4/5 yrs now and eroded my confidence to the point of working as a cleaner 5 nights a week by myself. I’m a graduate of accountancy but didn’t like the career. i have no friends other than her heavy drinking bar friends. I would like to leave, but she says she loves me and wants me to commit to her, but shes still married herself! They are not separated financially to any extent.She gets me to say i love her too and that i wont leave her. This makes me feel guilty and i stay. Scared to leave as i will be very isolated by myself and dont feel i could cope. Shes been some strange sort of help and support over the years, but maybe has caused some of my issues herself just by being in my life. Not sure where to go now, or how to get there.Any advice or viewpoint might help me to see things and move on.Thankyou.
I have passed all the answers to my brother when gf not about (as she rants at him about being in touch with me). he says thanks to all the contributors and it will all help him take the necessary steps when he can summon courage.
Originally posted 2010-04-26 11:25:51. Republished by Old Post Promoter
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#1 by D B at April 26th, 2010
Sorry but your constant changing from first person to third person makes this very difficult to follow. If you have written this yourself then just read what you have put – you have answered your own question.
Answer – stop being a wimp and start taking responsibility for your own life.
#2 by gaiety65 at April 27th, 2010
You are in love …sure
#3 by 45 cal at April 28th, 2010
Wow with all those good quality’s you described> & married> That alone would be enough to run & hide> Your her play toy> Let the 1 that married to her have her>
#4 by mudfish at April 29th, 2010
if your not happy leave, dont worry about being alone you have your family and things get easier. Can you really see your self in the same position a year from now. Your stopping yourself from being happy. its time to move on, yes at first its hard but in the long run you will be so much better off.
Be brave and leave her
#5 by blush at May 1st, 2010
There’s only one way out and you know where it is.Being on your own can be rough at times,but not always.Nothing worse than the constant stress of a bad relationship.
#6 by AleciaES at May 4th, 2010
You’ll miss her, of course. But there has to be some sort of hobby or something that you wanted to pursue, but couldn’t because she was sucking the life out of you. Did you enjoy those nights when she was with her husband instead of you? I bet you did. Leaving her would probably be like leaving a second job that you hate. Sure, you miss the people, but you don’t miss the work.
The only thing I would worry about is if she’s still your boss, I would find another job first.
#7 by cobweb at May 7th, 2010
You said you hate her.
You do need to leave.
You are staying because you think you will be isolated if you go – and you will – but until you do this you won’t meet other people because you won’t go out and look for new friends.
If this question is genuine, and you did say this and your sister wrote it here on your behalf, you already have a great sister and great support. So leave.
#8 by confused&hurt at May 7th, 2010
I think that your just writing this question says everything. Good luck